I know that a lot of people come into therapy feeling  embarrassed or disappointed with themselves. To admit you aren’t coping seem like failure, and we often believe that we should be able to manage everything on our own. Yet everything you have learned about yourself and your life has come from interaction with other people.

The simple fact is, we need other people to survive no matter what how old we are or what roles we have in life.

​I recently came across this article about an Australian Academic, an expert in his field, who found himself unable to cope with the pressures of a television interview. In it, he gives a very honest account of his long standing anxiety, and also describes how liberating it has been to share his difficulties since the incident. In a sense, I guess he is no longer anxious that people will find out about his anxiety.. and that’s a great step forward!

I have provided a link below to the article that appeared in the Sydney Morning Herald. Within that is a link to his blog recounting the moment. 

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Imagine a baby elephant that is taken from its home to live in a circus. At first the elephant wants to run away, so the trainers tie the young elephant to a wooden stake using a chain. The elephant pulls and pulls against the wooden stake trying to free herself, but the stake doesn’t move. She learns that she does not have the strength to move the stake and so gives up trying. 

Now imagine the same elephant thirty years later. She is fully grown; strong and powerful enough to pull down the entire circus tent if she chooses to. Yet each night she is chained to the very same wooden stake which had held her captive all those years ago. It never occurs to her to pull against the stake, because she trusts her experience. 

And elephants never forget.

Maybe you too feel trapped, or unable to break free in your life. Have you considered that your assumptions about the world might be based on old information? Perhaps things have changed. Maybe you have grown. Maybe now is the time to re-evaluate your strengths. 
To learn more from elephants try the video below.

Take care
Jon

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Many of us find it hard to try new things. We know that it would be good for us to to eat healthier, exercise more, or worry less about what other people think. We can devise plans to help us achieve these goals, yet when we try to put plans into action we find ourselves stuck. It’s as though something inside is warning  you not to continue.

These “warnings” are really self- limiting beliefs like “I’m not good enough”, “the world is dangerous”, and “people can’t be trusted”. These beliefs tend to encourage people to overemphasise negative aspects of life and restrict their attempts to change. After a while this becomes a habit and people don’t even realise its happening. 

To deal with this, it’s helpful to; 

1. Recognise these beliefs when they come to mind
2. Appreciate that they are habits you have developed, not facts, and 
3. Accept that even though your beliefs seem right, there is no reason to believe they are right in this particular instance.

As you work on this you will be free to put effort into developing more constructive mental habits. A nice place to start is to identify your strengths and to focus on these as you go through the day. You will probably notice your self- limiting beliefs emerging as you try and do this, if so think of it as a chance to acknowledge and deal with those beliefs. This way you are getting double the effect!

If you are struggling to identify your strengths then you could start by clicking on the link below and either reading about different strengths or completing the questionnaire at 
https://www.viacharacter.org/survey/account/register.

Until next time 

Jon

Watching the Australian Open last night I was reminded of just how strong the relationship is between our emotions, our bodies, and our actions. If you were also watching, then you would have seen the downward spiral which developed between Daria Gavrilova’s emotional state and her performance. As she began to make mistakes and unforced errors, she became visibly more frustrated and this frustration led to more careless playing. 

Whilst we may not always have a worldwide audience watching on, we are all susceptible to this process. As humans we are guided by our emotions and are driven to express this to others in our facial expression, body posture, and movements. As we mature we usually learn to balance our emotional reactions with more measured and thoughtful responses. Sometimes however, we feel powerless to stop our emotions and our rational side seems to go missing. This is because the parts of the brain responsible for emotional processing (and for physical responses) are the first to receive new information about the world around us. When these brain regions are over stimulated the capacity to think rationally goes offline and does not return until we calm down. By this time the damage is done and we typically feel embarrassed, regretful, or guilty, about the whole thing. 

But we are not powerless against this. Firstly, its liberating to understand that this is a normal part of life and that even the most rational among us will be overwhelmed by emotions at times. Secondly, your ability to calmly pay attention to your emotions, body, and behaviours can be increased with practice. In time you can improve your awareness of how your mind and body respond to stress (eg. changes in breathing, body temperature, heart-rate, muscle tension, and gastro-intestinal sensations). This sense is sometimes referred to as interoception. Improvements in interoception allow for better opportunities to access your rational mind in a crisis or emotional situation. 

My suggestions to improve interoception include any body- focused activity like; yoga, tai chi, martial arts, dance, pilates, swimming or running; or you could try mindfulness meditation; creating art or music; or regularly writing about your feelings. Some people I have worked with prefer to just focus on the development of a still, quiet space in their days. It really doesn’t matter what you choose to do, as long as you commit to the practice.

If you are interested in developing your interoception, why not start by having a look at the link below or looking into one of the other activities I’ve described. As always, Im more than happy to speak with you or arrange a session if you want to learn more. 
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Until next time, take care
Jon


https://vimeo.com/131682712

Well the Christmas tree has been packed away for another year and its time for me to get back to the office. And of course I’m not the only one who is getting back into work mode. Over the next week or two, thousands of school students will be returning to the classroom, some for the first time. For most there will be mixed emotions as a new school year starts, but for some the dread, anxiety, and fear, will be overwhelming. 

Parents often ask me the best way to help with back to school anxiety. Usually these parents aren’t sure when its right to push their child, and when its best to provide comfort and support. Most times my response is two fold. First, keep in mind that the best thing you can give your child is a supportive and safe relationship with you. If you keep maintaining this relationship then your child will grow up knowing that her feelings are ok, that you are looking out for him, and that all situations can be overcome with time. Second, it’s worth considering your own anxieties. Often the anxiety you see in your child is a reflection of yours. Learning to accept your own emotions and to improve your responses will help you to be calmer with your children and strengthen the relationship you have with them. 

I have attached links to a couple of really helpful books for those of you who would like more information on children's anxiety. There is also a link to the "Cool Kids" Anxiety Management program which I will be running throughout the year.

Please get in contact if you would like to speak with me or make an appointment. 

​Take care
Jon 

http://www.centreforemotionalhealth.com.au/…/cool-kids-prog…
http://www.amazon.com/Freeing-Your-Child-From-…/…/1452657033
http://www.goodreads.com/…/5378359-helping-your-anxious-chi…
http://www.amazon.com/What-When-You…/…/ref=pd_bxgy_14_img_2…